Tuesday, March 6

Yes, we're back in full effect.
  • You want Internet Twins ... we've got you're Internet Twins right here!
  • Who out there can't love this new virus, Naked Wife.
    A virus advertising itself as an e-mailed photo of someone's wife has started infecting computers in Europe and the United States and may have started spreading from the U.S. military, antivirus experts said Tuesday.
    Seems like the only way to spread a virus these days if via a so-called e-mail attachment.
  • So, you thought the mafia was bad ... well then, you 'aint seen nuthin yet. Check out the anti-mafia.
  • FBI Probing Plot to Kidnap Actor Russell Crowe
  • Turns out that the British are too tired for sex.
  • A homemade guillotine trap set to deter burglars severed the hand of a teen-age girl who broke into her neighbor's house. Nice.
So there you go.
We're baaaack.

Friday, February 23

Yes, it's a new server.

Thursday, February 22

Here's a few nuggets for you, freshly squeezed:
  • Hugging epidemic strikes Minnesota school!
  • This is cool: coffee drinkers, this company will develop a special blend fine tuned to your personal tastes based on the answers you give in their questionnaire.
  • Some of you who like Boston may find this interesting.

Tuesday, February 20

Happy President's Day! Oh, wait, that was yesterday.

Friday, February 16

It's Conspiracy Theory Friday at DDN (well, at least in this post, anyway). Here's the most recent conspiracy being eaten up by the blissfully gullible:
  • Some of you may have heard about that Fox special last night describing how NASA faked the moon landings. Well these debunkers say that the "Moon Hoaxers" are way off their rocker and that there's no way the moon landings were faked. The debunkers even provide iron-clad evidence that prove the landings took place.

    Besides, the debunkers say, fake moon landings are completely incompatible with their own theories about ancient glass pyramids on the lunar surface.

  • And finally, want to generate your own conspiracy theory? Use this handy-dandy Internet Conspiracy Generator. Start a rumor today!
You know it's true.
I love Survivor II.

Thursday, February 15

An old girlfriend of mine once told me that Thursday was her favorite day of the week because she liked the anticipation of Friday. Yeah, she was a little weird. Anyway, here's some news.
  • Man, did Orlando ever drop the ball on getting this theme park -- StalinWorld. It claims to be a cross between Disneyworld and a Gulag, although it's not quite complete.
    Certain refinements, such as the concealed loudspeakers that play tape-recorded screams of women and children, are not yet in operation.
  • Russian warplanes violated Japanese airspace yesterday. I'm telling ya, the Russians aren't the cuddly teddy bears we've thought them to be over the last 10 years.
  • Congress wants to legalize the assasination of foreign leaders.
  • It's official -- J.Lo is now a free woman.
  • A high schooler born with no left hand is the leading scorer on his basketball team. I love stories like this, about people who refuse to let adversity get between them and their dreams.

Wednesday, February 14

Here's some stuff to think about during your post-lunch lethargy:

Tuesday, February 13

The effect is everywhere.
Why does the copyright at the bottom of the page say 2000? Oh, well, how about some news.....
  • Bill was on the today show this morning talking about Windows XP
  • I hear that Paulson is really into this stuff
  • Maybe I should put off buying that new ferrari
  • Anna author confesses
  • Some more file stealing, I mean sharing news
Some of you web gurus out there have probably seen this before, but, dangit, I just can't stop playing with this thing. Run your cursor over the graphic and you'll see what I mean.
Ok Dan, fine, you talked me into it, here's some news from me, "Comatose". Although you might know me better as "Weird Dave" as Dan affectionally refers to me. On with the news.
  • My two favorite movies of the year (Gladiator and Crouching Tiger of course) received the most oscar nominations including best picture. How Willy Wonka's Chocolat Factory, I-4 Traffic and Erin Broccoli got nominated for anything, I'll never know.
  • That big headed doctor from the last survivor is definitely no Dr. Love.
  • Woooo Weeee! That Anna Kournikova girl sure is hottie which certainly helps in its quick spread of infection around the world! Go Anna!
  • "First, I would like to just get to know you." Premiere magazine says Ahnuld fondles women.
I'm sure you've had enough of me for now.
I love Surivor II and I'm scared to admit it. Here's an excerpt from the article:

The youngest--and some say, the cutest--of the Australian Survivors, this former cheerleader and sorority girl has valuable experience dealing with violent behavior: She was a baby-sitter.
Lots of questions about this one. How does she bring the others to her side? Will she play buck the bronco with Colby? And in her testimonials, why is she always soaking her butt? Perhaps Ogakor's fire isn't the only thing flaring up.
"Mr. Shirtless Guy" is now officially "Mr. Crazy Shirtless Guy Who Smears Blood on His Face." We can't wait to see Kimmi turn PETA on him when he finally kills that elusive pig.
It's still a neck-and-neck race between Amber and Elisabeth to be the official replacement for original Survivor sweetheart Colleen. Elisabeth definitely took a stride forward, however, when she declared her loyalty to lovable "Kentucky Joe."

Sorry to have to be the one to say this, but Nobody and I mean nobody on this show will ever be as cute as Colleen.

Kind of a slow news day (unless you're a Napster addict), but I did find a few interesting things: Happy Tuesday! Now get back to work...

Monday, February 12

Goodbye Napster ... we'll miss you!
ddn license
Yeah, it is Monday and I had better start studying for my speech test, and uh here is some news.....
  • Who here thinks Ingrid is hot?
  • I know Dan will be the first to signup

For those of you that have TWC digital cable here is some advice - If you open up your box (because there is no visible reset button, but there is one on the board, and you need one to get to the PowerTV OS shell) be careful where you stick the paperclip. Well, I need to stop by TWC sometime today and pickup a new smartbox.

Good Monday morning!
  • Eminem, the gay basher, and Elton John, the gay supporter, are going to perform a duet at the Grammys. Apparently Eminem suggested it. Elton John said:
    ``I'm a big fan of his music, and I said I would be delighted to,'' the British superstar told the Los Angeles Times. ``I know I'm going to get a lot of flak from various people who are going to picket the show.

    ``If I thought for one minute that he was (hateful), I wouldn't do it,'' he said.

  • XFL lost over half it's audience this weekend from its debut weekend. I watched the debut games last week until I realized it was just like any other NFL game, but with crappy players.
  • They're thinking about impeaching Clinton again. Ugh, let it go -- the man's not worth it! Let him fade away; the last thing I want to see for the next six months is Clinton's mug plastered all over the news again.
  • Cool! There's going to be a movie version of the "A-Team"!

Saturday, February 10

Good morning, it's Saturday, and here is your news: Have a good weekend!

Friday, February 9

Well, here we are, a Friday no less, and my comrades are posting to DDN already! I'm so pleased. I believe that this page will be the best news page ever concieved of ... at least by me.

And and and! They're even using my news format - keeps the page lookin' sharp. Thanks kids. You may be seated. And now, to continue this age-old tradition, I present to you, the news:

I'd like to start by saying that this first story sickens me. It gives dog owners a terrible name - and it turns dogs into violent messengers of death. The idea that people would intentionally set dogs upon a cat - a firehouse mascot no less is deplorable. I try to be positive about people, but this kind of thing makes me wonder what the world is all about these days. A day later the city, Philadelphia, is responding - "offering condolences, reward money to nab the dogs' owners - and of course, more cats".

It was an awful, inhuman scream that first drew firefighter Jerry Carpenter to the door of the Engine 50 firehouse in North Philadelphia before dawn yesterday.

While he debated what to do, Carpenter saw a cat's claw flash from the middle of the flying fur, and his stomach turned.

It was Smokey, a stray the firefighters had taken in a year ago and quickly grew to love. The scream, he realized sickly, was Smokey's.

"I could hear this guy saying, 'Get 'em! Get 'em!' Those dogs were like sharks, tearing him up," he said.

Firefighters cite Smokey's fate - and the gritty neighborhood's shortage of strays - as evidence that illegal dog fighters train their vicious animals to practice their blood-thirsty maneuvers on family pets and any strays they can find.

"That's how they train their pit bulls," Battalion Chief George Griffin said.

Firefighter Jim Klick agreed, gazing at the cat's mangled body, which firefighters plan to cremate. "That's a sin," he said. "Shows you the caliber of people around here."

"These pit bulls don't have a preference for what they attack, and they will go after humans," Stem said. "They are four-legged land sharks. Once they have a taste for blood and they become aggressive, they become a dangerous animal."

Daphna Nachminovitch, senior case worker for the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, based in Norfolk, Va., agreed, saying: "Pets get stolen out of back yards all the time in order to get sacrificed for this barbaric blood sport of dogfighting."

And now, the rest of the news: Sorry if I depressed you, but this is the news.
Ah, it's nice to be back in the hectic DDN news room. Here's some news that caught my eye this morning: Later!
It's Friday and I'm in love with you.......
  • Hey, sometimes you just can't hold it anymore.....
  • This sounds like Dan's dream job
  • Or this sounds like Dan at work
Have a nice weekend.

Thursday, February 8

Believe it or not, I've managed to recruit some reporters to help out with keeping DDN live and direct! These people have volunteered to help me in my relentless quest to expand my global news network. Yes, it's true. Who are they? I'll tell you:
  • Paulson
  • Weird Dave
  • Rob (aka "Sluggo")
  • D-Tak The Coal Miner
  • The Dark Krystal
  • The Teacher
A motley bunch of ogres to be sure, but heck, I'll take what I can get.
I hate to post things I've seen on someone else's weblog, but this is too awesome. I love Polar bears.
Wow, check this out - my worries are over!
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Also, VERY HARD TO FIND:
BIG LIST OF OVERSEAS BULLETPROOF ISP's.

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I'll never lose my ISP again!
The guest posters are back. We'll have a few of them here in the next few days, so expect to see lots more news and activity here!

Wednesday, February 7

They're already Trying to kill Bush.
Quake 3 Arena Console Output:
DanZilla: bye
ReaperX: ha
broadcast: print "DanZilla disconnected\n"
ReaperX: he just left?
Comatose: hm
Comatose: he usually says bye
ReaperX: ?
ReaperX: waoh
Comatose: dont know
ReaperX: woah
Comatose: what
ReaperX: BFG!
Comatose: yeah man!
Comatose: its so awesome!
Comatose: best weapon out of all games
ReaperX: most powerful
Comatose: yea
ReaperX: hey i gotta get going. This is never going to end hehe
Comatose: hehe, ok
Comatose: c ya tomorrow
ReaperX: yup
ReaperX: cya
broadcast: print "Comatose disconnected\n"
broadcast: print "ReaperX disconnected\n"

Tuesday, February 6

Just remember, no matter what happens, there's always going to be news. Words to live by my friends. Words to live by. And what kind of news is better than a story about junk food, a giant monkey-beast terrorizing people, and use of the term "monkeyhouse" - start your day off right and read this:

IMPORTANT MONKEY NEWS ALERT!!!

Gorilla Escapes, Devours Junk Food

PITTSBURGH (Reuters) - Zookeepers in Pittsburgh are trying to figure out how a gorilla got loose and managed to make a pig of herself by wolfing down muffins, cherry pastries and soda pop at a concession area normally reserved for humans.

About 250 people cowered inside nearby buildings at the Pittsburgh Zoo & Aquarium for 45 minutes, after the 150-pound (68 kg) female gorilla escaped from an outdoor exhibit by crossing a wide moat and scaling a 14-foot (4.2-meter) wall to freedom.

The animal, which is only 3-1/2 feet (one-meter) tall and is not considered a public danger, quickly found her way to the zoo's outdoor concession area on Sunday afternoon and began digging through overflowing trash cans.

``She seemed to especially like the Orange Slice'' soda pop, Barbara Baker, the zoo president and chief executive, told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

Zookeepers finally lured her into a women's lavatory, where they injected her with a tranquilizer.

No one was ever in danger from the unnamed gorilla, the first to escape from the zoo's decade-old Tropical Forest Complex and make it to what one zookeeper described as ``the wrong side of the monkey house.''

Members of the zoo's Animal Escape Team believe the animal may have climbed to freedom on a bamboo stalk that had fallen into a waterless moat which surrounds the gorilla exhibit.

The gorilla was later reported to be in good shape, though zookeepers feared she may experience some nausea as a result of the anesthesia and the junk food, a drastic change from her diet of fruit and monkey chow.

I always tell my monkey friends to avoid public restrooms like the plague - you know I do. And now the rest of the news (which pales by comparison): got news?

Monday, February 5

You just need to see this. Be sure to watch the video.

It disturbs me on so many levels.

This really sums up the way I feel about the xfl.

Dried Plums - not your Daddy's Prunes.

Sunday, February 4

I know I haven't been updating this as much as usual, but that's because I've been working on the back-end redesign. The service I currently use to handle the database side of DDN may go away soon, so I'm writing my own system. Who knows, I may open it up for the world to use ...

I saw Crouching Tiger last night with friends. Whenever I read someone's personal page and they mention that they've just seen it, it usually goes like this:

I just saw Crouching Tiger. Go see it. Now.
And I never understood why there were never any comments, more details, thoughts opinions - just the command to "go see it now!" ... Well, now I understand.

Go see it. Now.

Your news:

  • I saw Crouching Tiger last night
  • FBI May Question Former Los Alamos Scientist Again
  • A teen-ager has been pulled alive from a well eight days after India's worst earthquake
  • Not quite monkeys, but it's always funny when animals terrorize people - especially when the people are British:
    Flocks of feral peacocks are terrorizing villages across Britain in a desperate but futile search for mates, the Sunday Times reported.

    The lovelorn peacocks have descended on rural communities, chasing children and destroying vegetable patches in a vain search for peahens to mate with, the paper said.

  • Survivor is more popular than friends
  • Strange british headline: Queen 'invests in foetus research company'
  • I saw Crouching Tiger last night
More later.

Saturday, February 3

I think that this may be important.

News in a few moments ...

Friday, February 2

Fukuisan?

Take it!

Yes, you're absolutely right, that is indeed a Lego version of the Iron Chef.

So, I'm sure you all were wondering how I stay in business here at the DDN World HQ - a 24/7 news organization.

Well, honestly, it's based entirely on your support and donations.

What follows is a profit statement from last quarter (not last week, last quarter):

Quarterly Referral Fees Earned
------------------------------
Store name:     Dan's Daily News

Total shipped to customer this quarter:                 $27.12
Total returns from customer this quarter:               $0.00
Total qualifying revenue:                               $27.12

Referral fee this quarter:                              $1.36
Credit referral fee previous quarter:                   $0.00
New Customer Bonus (2 New Customers):                   $0.00
Total Earnings:                                         $1.36

So there you go.

Police in Kentucky are looking for a customer who succeeded in paying for a $2 order at a fast-food restaurant with a phony $200 bill featuring a picture of President George W. Bush and a depiction of the White House with a lawn sign saying, "We like broccoli." Authorities say the female cashier at a Dairy Queen in Danville even gave the culprit $198 in real money as change. [Reuters/John Sommers II]

phony 200 dollar bill

Please note that this took place in "Danville" ...

Thursday, February 1

As you know, I can eat 50 eggs. Well, Grandma can eat 58 wings in 14 minutes.

It's always news-day here at DDN. Really, always. And to proove it:

Have a nice day.

Wednesday, January 31

As you can see, the influence I have over you is total.

Chrissy will not marry Joe unless this page gets 1,000,000 hits. It might happen, he had 929,648 visitors as of this morning.

Wouldn't it be weird to be fishing in Austrailia and have a crocodile snatch your dog from your side and devour it whole, in one bite?

Yes, in case you were wondering, Sean Combs is a looser and a street-thug.

While viewing porn is legal in Singapore, you can face a three-month jail term and/or a fine for downloading and storing it. But nevertheless, Singaporeans are second only to Americans in sign-ups for Palm Pilot Porn downloads.

The quake is over, and now India faces outbreaks of communicable diseases like dysentery, cholera, typhoid fever, and measels. Over 20,000 people have died so far - but it may be more, as high as six figures.

Some quickies:

Peace, we outta here.

Monday, January 29

I'm not posting any news until at least 2 people add comments - and I'm not talking about gibberish or nonsense/pointless comments. Until I get something, you get nothing. Just think of all the news you're missing.
As you know, I don't follow football, but I'd like to tell you to just go here for any and everything that you want to know about last night's game. There are simply too many articles there for me to choose from, so just go.

I did watch the commercials, however, and none were very impressive. The e-trade one was funny, the old Pepsi commercial with Cindy was nice, and the Monster.com commercial was insanely short.

I also watched Survivor II (even though I swore I wouldn't after Fat Rich won last time). And you know, I'm already hooked on the damn thing. I must comment that, for both men and women, we have a much better looking set of contestants this go around. At first I liked Elisabeth (perhaps because she is from Boston) but soon grew tired of her baby-talk voice and moved on to the bongo-drum playing Jerri. She and Kimmi (who will without a doubt drop those few extra pounds) are now in the spotlight.

       
And - as if to reassure me that this show will be better than its predecessor, they got rid of that annoying, bossy tramp Debb right off the top, unanimously.

Debb Eaton

More later ...

Sunday, January 28

Dan Does Not Follow Football!

Saturday, January 27

Believe it or not kids, I'm actually typing today's column on an iMac. It's true! Please don't be frightened - it's just because I'm visiting family this weekend. In fact, the DSL line here is really solid, I'm getting 145 kb/sec over this thing. Almost makes the strange oceanic breezes and bizarre flotsam seem pleasant. Actually, if I don't get to the news soon, this will feel more like an entry I'd do over at my personal page.

So then, on to the only thing any of you ever really wanted from me, the news:

  • The death toll in India is believed to be 15,000
  • Beverly D'Angelo has given birth to Al pacino's twins. Did you know that guy is 60? Do any of the guys in my audience remember how hot she was in the Vacation movies? Whooah.
  • A mystery vessel (please say "whessel" with a heavy Russian accent as illustrated by Yakov Smirnov in the movie 2010, or Chekov from Star Trek) has docked with Mir for mysterious purposes. Cultivating a killer virus, perhaps? Need to take the samples from your dead crew home, anyone?
  • Microsoft has taken protective steps ... which means they have no clue as to what's happening.
That's it, today was a quick one. See you later on this weekend.

Friday, January 26

More Microsoft Lameness:
By Robert Lemos Special to CNET News.com January 26, 2001, 1:00 p.m. PT

just in For the fourth consecutive day, technical problems hindered access Friday to Microsoft's vast network of Web sites and services. Access problems struck some of the software giant's Web sites Friday morning and by midday the sites were almost completly inaccessible, according to Internet performance watcher Keynote Systems.

"Around 10:15 (a.m. PST), it really went downhill," said Daniel Todd, chief technologist for Net performance company Keynote Systems. In the morning, 60 percent of Web page requests to Microsoft.com and MSN.com were successful, and by 11 a.m. that number dropped to 7 percent. "Most recently, one response out of 70 (has been) successful," said Todd.

Normally, the sites are able to fulfill 97 percent of all page requests, Todd said.

Repeated calls to Microsoft representatives went unanswered Friday morning and afternoon.

Friday's problems come less than 24 hours after the company said it stopped a denial-of-service attack on its systems that slowed traffic to a crawl for more than two hours. The attack followed an outage that began Tuesday night and lasted nearly 24 hours, which Microsoft blamed on a mistake made by its own technicians.

Ironically, the technical error that caused the first outage may have made led hackers to attack Microsoft on Thursday.

The original problem was caused by a lack of access to the company's Domain Name Service servers, the computers responsible for translating domain names such as Microsoft.com into numerical addresses that are understood by computers.

According to Paul Robertson, director of risk assessment for security service provider TruSercure, Microsoft or its network provider failed to create backup systems for distributing the DNS information across the Internet.

Instead, all its servers shared the same physical network--a security flaw waiting to be exploited, he said. "It is a poor design choice to not hand out server addresses on different network blocks."

The exposure and publicity about the flaw on Wednesday may have tempted hackers to attack the weakness on Thursday, he said.

Microsoft declined to comment on its network design for this article.

CNET News.com received several e-mails from readers Friday morning noting that access to Microsoft's sites was sporadic. The company's sites, which collectively rank as the third most-visited destinations on the Web, include MSN.com, Hotmail.com, Microsoft.com, Expedia.com, Carpoint.com and Encarta.com.

The outage may be another denial-of-service attack, this time against Microsoft's servers, said Keynote's Todd.

"It does not appear to be a glitch; it appears to be due to excessive traffic," he said. "If it is a DoS attack this time, it's a DoS attack against their Web servers. Yesterday, it was against their routers."

A denial-of-service attack overloads a site's servers with a flood of data, effectively blocking surfers from accessing the site.

On Thursday, Microsoft's major sites went down after a DoS attack was aimed not at the servers, but at the hardware switches that route data to the Web sites. Because these so-called routers were flooded, legitimate requests for Web pages were not able to be processed by Microsoft's servers.

The Seattle office of the FBI confirmed to CNET News.com that it is investigating Thursday's attack.

Check this out. It's a collection of every Transformer (autobots and decepticons) ever made ... and it's only $10,000!

Please feel free to get it for me. I mean, what have you guys ever done for me - news isn't easy you know!

True, I am far to old to play with toys like that ... but a man can have a dream, can't he?

I can eat fifty eggs.

Yes, it's what we thought! Hackers are responsible for taking down Microsoft this week. They say that it was unrelated to other problems they had with MSN on Tuesday and Wednesday. Here's an excerpt:
Microsoft said a hacker or hackers had pounded some routers, the equipment that directs Web surfers to a site, with a denial of service attack, which floods a system with so much data that legitimate traffic is slowed or halted.

The Redmond, Wash.-based company said the attack was separate from an accidental outage at many of its Web properties, including its main corporate site and its MSN.com portal, from Tuesday evening to Wednesday evening.

Microsoft said the sites were working again and that it had notified the FBI (news - web sites), but the incident rattled investors, who sent the company's shares down sharply in after-hours trading, taking off $1-13/16 to $60. That followed a drop of $1-1/8, or 1.8 percent, on the Nasdaq.

  • Major earthquake in India. Anyone ever read Nostradamous?
    A devastating earthquake killed over 500 people and left hundreds more injured or missing throughout the Indian subcontinent today.

    The quake, with conflicting estimates of a strength between 7.9 and 8.6 on the Richter scale, had its epicenter in the western Indian state of Gujarat. In that state's town of Bhuj, 150 people were killed when an apartment building collapsed. Another 200 people died in the city of Ahmedabad, also within that state.

  • Celine Dion had a baby
  • Bath-houses (which are popular throught Asia) in Japan are being sued for barring access to foriegners
  • It's okay to pat a woman's butt at work in Rome, as long as it's "isolated and impulsive" ... how's that expression go ... "When in Rome ..."
  • A rumor we all hope is true: Jennifer Lopez is breaking up with Puffy
  • You can see the Kumbh Mela from space
The Kumbh Mela

Wednesday, January 24

Some quickies:
  • Microsoft has pretty much been offline since Tuesday night:
    Problems with almost every major Microsoft Web site surfaced on Tuesday night in the United States and Europe, and Microsoft technicians were diagnosing the problem and hoped to have the sites back up soon, company spokesman Adam Sohn said.

    Asked if the problems could be the result of a hacker attack, Sohn said, "We're not ruling anything out at this point. There's not enough data at this point, but the guys are working as quick as they can to get it diagnosed, treated and cured."

    This just illustrates the arrogance of the "it won't happen to us" attitude.

  • CBS sues Cybill Shepherd. She's number three on my "most haneous women" list, which goes like this:
    1. Kirsty Alley
    2. Kathleen Turner
    3. Cybill Shepherd
  • Robert Downey Jr. will keep on doing Alley Episodes ... perhaps from Jail?
  • The guy who attacked David Spade pleads innocent:
    The former personal assistant who allegedly attacked David Spade with a stun gun in the actor's Beverly Hills home pleaded innocent Tuesday to assault and burglary charges. David Warren Malloy of Los Angeles was charged with residential burglary and assault with a stun gun, said Deputy District Attorney Wendy Segall. Malloy was released on his own recognizance and the judge ordered him to stay away from Spade.
My cuisine reigns supreme!
So you just read the news and want to comment, right? Great! Just click here and you can post your comments - and yes you can do so anonymously if you're a real coward.

Let's get the comments board going!

I just love it when I report a story here before anyone else in mainstream media. I love it more when someone says "Hey Dan, did you hear about [insert news story here] and I say ... yes, didn't you read DDN this morning?

Things like that make me laugh for hours.


click for a bigger pic
 
Here's a weird DDN classic:
MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - One Mexico City policeman Monday stitched his mouth shut and another tried to have himself crucified -- by driving a nail through the palm of a hand -- to protest their alleged unlawful dismissals.

Jose Gonzalez, who claims he and nine of his colleagues were fired by a corrupt superior officer, marched through Mexico City streets bearing a wooden cross before reaching the capital's main square for his planned ritual crucifixion.

As masses of curious Mexico City onlookers gathered, officer Humberto Vazquez used a nylon thread to sew his mouth shut.

Later!

Tuesday, January 23

Whitehouse Reports "Missing W's"
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President George W. Bush has lost his middle initial from many computer keyboards at the Old Executive Office Building in the White House complex.

In an apparent prank carried out by departing Clinton administration staffers, Bush aides discovered that dozens of computer keyboards were missing the "W" key.

Bush aides said Tuesday that the W is marked out in some cases but often the key has been removed -- and sometimes taped on top of doorways -- or damaged with the spring broken.

Bush made a big deal out of his middle initial during campaign rallies, often holding up the middle three fingers of his hand to form a W.

He would joke to crowds that if Vice President Al Gore was so smart, then why does every Internet address start with a W. "And not just one W. Three Ws!" he would exult.

Bush aides were working to repair or replace the keys.

And back to the normal news groove:
  • The oil spill is spreading:
    It grew worse over the weekend, when tanks carrying 240,000 gallons of diesel and bunker fuel -- a heavy fuel used to power some tour boats operating in the islands -- leaked 144,000 gallons of oil into ocean waters shared by tropical fish, pelicans and sea lions.
  • You become less negative with age
  • The Texas Seven are now the Texas Two
    Investigators are hunting down two heavily armed escaped convicts after four of their partners in crime were captured in Colorado and another killed himself, reducing the Texas Seven to two.
  • Bush begins his efforts to abolish abortion
  • Okay girls, a little tip: Don't have pre-marital sex in Nigeria:
    Nigerian authorities lashed a 17-year-old Muslim girl 100 times with a cane after convicting her of having premarital sex, the government said Monday.

    The flogging of Bariya Ibrahim Magazu -- who said she was pressured by her father to have sex with three men -- was carried out Friday in the northern state of Zamfara, according to a brief statement. She was in pain afterward but appeared to suffer no major injuries, local reporters said.

Now go back to your day.

Monday, January 22

Okay, it's nothing fancy, but you can now add your comments to the Mindless Chatter Page.

Go for it.

Sunday, January 21

If you think that I'll report on the presedency when things like this happen, you're in the wrong place.

Boat Leaks Oil in Ecuador's Pristine Galapagos

QUIT0, Ecuador (Reuters) - A boat carrying fuel to Ecuador's Galapagos Islands that ran aground four days ago is leaking oil into the ecologically sensitive waters near the famous islands, the government said on Saturday.

The spill has already affected animals including sea lions and pelicans and volunteers are on standby to clean up and rescue them, an ecologist said.

Adm. Gonzalo Vega, director of Ecuador's Merchant Marine in Guayaquil, said the oil spill began late on Friday when a pipe in the boat's machine room burst, fouling the water near the islands that boast unique marine and land creatures such as iguanas and giant tortoises.

He said a second and potentially more harmful leak occurred early on Saturday, when about 1,000 gallons of a heavy fuel called IFO 120 began to spill from the craft.

``That (the IFO 120) is the dangerous part. The worst thing that would happen is that the boat would burst entirely and it would all spill,'' he told Reuters. ``If we manage to unload the majority today, the situation will be under control.''

The Galapagos Islands, located 600 miles from the Ecuadorean shore, were visited by British naturalist Charles Darwin in 1835. His observations of island life led to the development of his theories on natural selection.

The Galapagos National Park preserves the creatures and their natural habitat, where they have evolved for thousands of years in isolation and with little human intervention.

The boat, named ``Jessica'', was carrying 160,000 gallons of diesel and about 80,000 gallons of IFO 120. It ran aground half a mile from the Galapagos' main port on San Cristobal Island on Tuesday.

It was on its way to service an Ecuadorean naval operation and a private tour boat operator, according to a government spokeswoman.

Protective Fence Set Up

The Ecuadorean Merchant Marines have controlled the leak by setting up a fence to trap the fuel and applying chemicals to neutralize it. They are currently unloading the fuel in the tanks that Jessica was carrying.

U.S. Coast Guard (news - web sites) clean-up crews were to arrive late on Saturday and early on Sunday at the request of President Gustavo Noboa, the government said. The 10-person response team will focus on removing oil from the ship and provide advice on response and clean-up.

But sea lions, pelicans and blue-footed boobies, animals endemic to the islands, have already been affected by the spill, said Maria Eugenia Proano, representative of the Charles Darwin Scientific Station on San Cristobal Island.

``The biological situation is what most worries us and there has already been an impact,'' she told Reuters.

The station has trained groups of volunteers to go out and wash the animals to rid them of the fuel, which sticks to their feathers and skin, and evacuate them when necessary, she said.

This isn't the first time Galapagos has suffered an oil spill, Mario Garcia, director of Ecuador's Foundation for Ecologic Studies, told Reuters.

``In my opinion, there's a serious problem in Galapagos in everything that has to do with military and port control,'' he said. ``This isn't the first time there's been a diesel or fuel spill.''

Saturday, January 20

What's this ... news on Saturday? Well, yes!

But first, I'd like to announce that the last Mr. Roger's Show was filmed on December 1st. Please be seated.

  • A story about how Gazoontite.com (a failed dot.com - perhaps due to its lame name) opened its doors and let people buy whatever they wanted - like phones and computers - right off employee's desks.
  • Big Surprise: Northpoint went bankrupt. Wow, didn't see that one coming.
  • Ever wanted to swim in a chocolate pool (just like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)? Now you can - for a price.
  • Two American twins were removed from British adoptive parents' home. Look kids ... Big Ben, Parliament!
  • Clinton admits his lie
  • Denis Chatelier can now make a phone call, hold a tooth brush and scratch himself
  • Remember when your science teacher told you you'd go immediately blind if you stare directly at an eclipse? Some people tried it and in the worst case only see a big black spot 7 months later:
    After a 1999 solar eclipse, UK researchers followed 40 patients who suffered retinal damage while staring at the sun. The investigators found that half experienced only eye discomfort. However, 20% still had abnormal vision 7 months after the eclipse, report Samuel C. K. Wong and colleagues from the Leicester Royal Infirmary.
Get ready, George is here:

See you all Monday.

Friday, January 19

Before we get to today's news, I want to ask you all for something. If you come across weird or strange (but entertaining) websites, please tell me about them. I'm working on another project and need a constant influx of weird sites to look at.

I am, after all, only one man. But I can eat fifty eggs.

If you read this page on a regular basis, you remember that I told you about the Norwegians hunting whales again. Well, as it turns out, the Japanese (who love to hunt their whales too) are warning that Norway's whales are toxic.

Here is an interesting bit of info. It seems that Jesse Jackson has a love child and is withdrawing from politics!

I can't believe I missed this one: Woman drives dead mom 1,000 miles. I mean, that's a DDN classic (considering the natural references to an Official DDN Movie the naming of which would be obvious to the point of tedium).

A priest is in trouble for posing nude.

The 28-year-old Rynn said, "Oh sure, why not?" and had his photo taken while sitting bare-ass naked in a wing chair with legs crossed, wearing only his Roman collar, and a Bible hiding his penis.
So there you go.

Thursday, January 18

Man, I keep looking at that spider pic. I cannot stand it.

And now, as promised, some user submitted news stories and links - but first, since everyone is making such a huge deal out of it, Miramax is releasing a full-length feature film online. Now, your news:

Let's start today with something special: SPIDERS!

The tarantulas, with hairy bodies about the size of a baseball, had been packed along with the scorpions in individual boxes and placed in a large box, which was found by an airport employee in the passenger terminal at the El Dorado International airport in Bogota.
Are you in a cold sweat now too? Here's the news:

Wednesday, January 17

I get lots of news submissions these days, and I will be posting them all (or those that are fit to post) later today. I actually got one that said "I wouldn't click this link if I were you" and boy, was he right!

As a side note, a few of the links below are from the New York Times. To see them, you'll need to create an account which is free. And they don't spam you, so it's worth it.

  • In China, you pay more for a lucky cell phone number
    "The best are 8's," said Zhang Haosheng, a telephone number vendor in Shanghai. "Four or five 8's at the end is very prestigious; 6's and 9's are good too, but one 6 or 9 is nothing special. You need at least two in a row."

    Certain sequences are highly sought because they sound like Chinese phrases in different dialects. In Mandarin, the popular sequence 518 can be interpreted as, "I want to prosper," and 168 sounds like, "A road of prosperity." In Cantonese, the sequence 289 sounds like, "Easy long-term prosperity."

  • India now has a missile that can carry a nuclear package to Pakistan
  • The Oasis singer Liam Gallagher groped a British Airways attendant
  • Surprise: so-called "light" cigarettes will still kill you
It seems that there is a bit of confusion about recent changes to this site. Perhaps this Q&A will help explain things a bit:
    Q: Why did you get rid of the comments board?
    A: The reason that the comments board is gone is unrealated to the new look, and also unrelated to your using it to wage wars against one-another. When I switched providers (remember, I'm paying to host this on real servers) I lost all the stuff I'd done in Cold Fusion. If anyone wants to rewrite it in Perl, please let me know.

    Q: I really liked the old banner, why did you change it? (I was in love with that picture of you.)
    A: I hated it. But now there is a new one for you to complain about - and it includes that picture.

So there you go.

Tuesday, January 16

Okay boys and girls, while I admit I cannot stop reading and re-reading the story about the monkeys lying in bed with hospital patients and adjusting their meds, we must move on. At least I was able to find a few items in today's news about monkeys: See you tomorrow.
If you're wondering why I've switched to AIM, here is your answer:

That, and file transfers actually work across the board (except, of course, for Weird Dave).

Monday, January 15

I need a new header graphic. Now. If you have any talent, send me one.
Okay, DNS seems to be fixed and the submit page is up and working. So gimme some links!

Also, I've switched from MSN Messenger (the non-cross-platform, cannot-do-file-transfer-through-firewalls POS) back to AIM (equally evil but more flexible). You can find me there under "dansdailynews". Message me.

Sunday, January 14

Special Monkey Edition

You've read about it and seen the commercials - and now the wait is over!

Welcome to the Special Monkey Edition of DDN where everything is all about monkeys.

  • Monkey as role-model
    A 39-year-old monkey which has lost its teeth but can still walk upright has become a role model for elderly people in one Japanese city.
  • Monkey kills man with flowerpot
    Arvind Jha died instantly when the pot came crashing down on him from the top of a block of flats in east Delhi.

    A group of monkeys had spent the day sneaking into bedrooms, tearing up clothes and pinching food from fridges before finally pushing the flowerpots off the top of the building.

  • Indian monkeys go to war on smokers
    According to reports, the monkeys march around the Sahara India building in Patna in single file and deliver a sharp slap to anyone found smoking.

    Witnesses say the creatures have surrounded 'offenders' and even emptied their pockets of cigarettes. On one occasion they started smoking the cigarettes themselves, and began to cough and splutter.

  • Rambo the monkey rids government departments of annoying apes
    [Rambo] has been snarling at the monkeys before running at them, and even getting involved in bloody fights.

    Doctors say patients often wake up after their operations to find a monkey sharing their bed or playing with their glucose or blood transfusion drip.

  • "Monkey Man Chan" can't get his monkey back
    Medicine-seller Chan Yat-bui says "Kam Ying" is "like a daughter" to him and also that she is his "business partner".
  • Whiplash the cowboy monkey
Whiplash in rodeo action

May we cherish monkeys in our hearts always.

It's Sunday AM, and here I am, posting news. If you're like me, you cannot trust unproven and untested media like the news-paper and the tele-vision. Instead, you come here - to our forum - the one place where you can truly feel alive - for all things news.

So let's get started!

  • An earthquake hits Central America leaving 80 dead, 200 injured, and another 800 missing
  • Ronald Reagan's hip surgery is complete
  • I hate (and I mean hate!) to post something after Slashdot posts it, but I feel obligated to tell you that the co-founder of HP died
  • The technology world is buzzing about "Ginger" which might turn out to be a childs toy. Check out this hilarious pic:

Saturday, January 13

Okay, the links page is done and setup. So is the submit news page - but there's a server issue being resolved, so you'll need to wait.
Wow, it's almost weird to go to DDN and see the new look. I really like it. Of course, since I don't currently have a poll up, I cannot get your feedback about it. But it's not like I'm about to change it back. Like it or not, it's here to stay.

I had to put one of my fish to sleep today. One of my platies developed dropsy. It was the only one affected, so I'm not worried yet.

I'm currently working on two things and then the New DDN will be complete:

  1. The news submission page
  2. The links page
I think I should be done with them very soon. Please feel free to send me any cool links you have - news or not - that should appear on my links page.
Wow, been busy this morning. I've redone all of the sub-pages linked from the top (the about pages, how to support DDN, etc.). They're all new, so check them out when you can.

Here's some news for Saturday:

Friday, January 12

Okay, the banners are back on the bottom of the page - like you'll ever use them - ingrates!
Pure news for you: So much time, so little to do. No, scratch that - reverse it.
If all goes as planned, in the next day or so, we'll have:
  1. A message board where you can interact with other DDN fans (the upper crust of society)
  2. The ability to post comments about each article
  3. The chance to become a guest poster
  4. An automated news posting system so you can submit your links to me (not just via email)
  5. more ...
I just re-read that and realized I sound just like Tim Sweeney.
Another new look. A common misconception is that the size of the news area (what you're reading now) is smaller than before. Actually, it's identical to what it was before. All I did was remove the panel of ads from the left. In a little while, they'll reappear below, beneath the news stories.

They're out of the way and less obnoxious that way - and lets you really focus on what this site is: news.

Lastly, I still need a new header graphic!

Real news follows soon.

Thursday, January 11

Yes, there have been fewer posts recently, but it's not because I don't care about you, my loyal subjects. Instead, it's because I've been very, very busy. So when you run out of time, what do you do? You make time! So we'll start off today with a few bits of news handed to me by Rob and my cousin Danny (no URL for him, oops).
  • Temptation Island premiered on Fox last night. But, according to this article, although the producers tried to coax them into having sex:
    But the couples didn't cooperate, leaving producers with mostly G-rated content to tease as X-rated over the coming several episodes.

    "It's so much tamer than the producers wanted," the production assistant said. "They had to spice it up in the editing and promos to attract audience and get the ratings they hoped for."

  • Australian scientists (now there's a contradiction in terms) found a virus that instantly kills all living things - or at least all mice. Ever read Steven King's The Stand? Imagine the same thing, except that all the major characters are mice.
  • Ever seen a glue-stick - well then, imagine a butter stick ... except call it a "Butter Stick Type" because you're Japanese. Click on the "Next Chindogu" link to see item after item of wonderful inventions like the "Cat Toungue Soother" or the "Flotation Bag for Water Reading" pictured below.

Thanks for the links, guys!

Wednesday, January 10

So I'm settled into the new system - and it's much better, more direct, and I believe more reliable that the old one. And boy, this new hosting provider is fast. At least I'm getting my money's worth. Before we get to the news, a buddy sent me this image, detailing the process of washing an airliner:

And now we can return to what we do best around here, the news:

See ya later.

Tuesday, January 9

I didn't ask, but Weird Dave told me which bible verse talks about cutting off parts of your body that "make you sin." This is in reference to yesterday's article about the guy who removed his "package" in prison. The verse is from Matthew 5:29 and 5:30, quoted here:
Mat 5:29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast [it] from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not [that] thy whole body should be cast into hell.

Mat 5:30 And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast [it] from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not [that] thy whole body should be cast into hell.

And a bit more news: Get back to work.
Okay kids, we're done. The new hosting, the new news database, the new look (kinda, waiting on a new banner for the top) - it's all complete and assembled. Also, please note the new poll on the left - I may start selling DDN merchandise if any of you would buy it.

So, on to your news:

  • Stop the presses!!! Someone has stolen Zambo's hair!
  • A British woman bit off her best friend's husband's testicle
    Carr, who pleaded guilty to affray, stepped in to defend Shelley Hutchinson after her newly-wed husband attacked her. Neil Hutchinson then pinned Carr to the floor at which point she bit through his jeans and testicle.

    Carr's lawyer told the court his client acted in self-defense and did not know which part of Hutchison's body she was biting.

    Police called to the scene found the testicle, which could not be reattached, under a picture frame on the sitting room floor.

  • Even tho Linda Chavez funded an illegal immigrant, Bush stands by her
  • the eZine Industry Standard has laid a ton of people off
  • Egghead says data wasn’t taken. Sure it wasn't. And I drove a tank in the Gulf War.
  • Using the force to levitate both a tennis ball and her tennis racket (below), Martina Hingis wears a special arm-shirt and is unbeaten by the competition. Coincidence? I think not. You don't know the power of the dark side.

Monday, January 8

It's done! DDN in its entirety has been moved and is now being hosted. You may see an IP address in the address bar for a little while until DNS catched up with me. I am still going to have to redo a bit more of the look and feel, and I'll be posting a poll in a bit to ask for your advice. News and more following shortly.

Sunday, January 7

Okay - big changes again ... but this is the last time. I finally gave up trying to host this site myself ... juggling it from one server to another, from one colocation provider to another, mooching off friends, etc.

Well, that's done. I've stopped being cheap and paid a real company to host me. So those banner clicks and purchases really mean something now.

Also, I'm in the process of switching the way I store and list the data for this site. So I'll be changing the look yet again to match this new service.

Such is life in space.

Rob sent me some news:
I do need a new banner/console for the top, so tell me if you're qualified to make one.

And now a story reflecting the state of things in California:

SAO PAULO (Reuters) - A convicted Brazilian rapist sliced off his own penis and flushed it down the toilet, saying the amputation would bring him closer to God. Prison guards said they found Flavio dos Santos Cruz, 23, screaming and profusely bleeding in his jail cell early Thursday after he cut off his penis with a shaving razor.

"He's alive. But since the penis was missing, he now will have to urinate through a tube," said urologist Aerton Barbosa Neves, who operated on Santos Cruz in the town of Andradina, about 410 miles from South America's biggest city of Sao Paulo.

Santos Cruz said he was inspired by the Bible.

"It is written in Bible that if a part of your body distances you from God, and makes you commit a sin, you should cut it off," he told local news wire Agencia Estado.

Since Santos Cruz did not cut off his testicles, Neves said the rapist could still ejaculate -- possibly while dreaming -- and even impregnate someone, albeit only with medical assistance.

Prison officials could not immediately say how many people Santos Cruz had raped and did not know the length of his jail sentence.

Did you know that the state of California is on a fault line and could drop off into the ocean at any given moment? It's a fact!
Here is is, the new look for DDN. Not too different I hope (Mr. Lee) but it makes much better use of screen real-estate.

Your news will be here soon so be patient.

By the way, no matter how badly you rate the new look in the poll on, it's here to stay.

I am home sick today and not just playing. I looked at my throat and it looked just like this.

Find out how low your salary is here.

This link will take you to what is possibly the most important test you'll take in your life. Here's a snippet:

9. When Captain Kirk died in "Star Trek; Generations," I:

a. Saw it as the passing of a torch.
b. Understood it was the kind of death he’d have wanted.
c. Had some sort of seizure.
d. Spent the next 48 consecutive hours covering the walls and ceiling of my room at the YMCA with a giant collage using images of Paramount executives, war atrocities, industrial accidents and meat packing plants, then lay naked on the floor in the fetal position until an Angel of the Lord came and gave me my mission.

If you're prone to seizures, don't go here.

I suppose you still want your news. Fine, here's a few things you need to know:

That's enough for you!
I wanted to share with you my loyal readers, a few weird sites I've found. A few of them came from a pointer submitted by Weird Dave.
  • I'd gladly trade up DDN and run this one: Disturbing Auctions
  • Meat Planet
  • Curious George W. Bush
  • The Sushi Fortuneteller
  • An Instant DDN Classic: The Pokemon Name Generator! Here's my info:
    Your Pokéname is:
    Eemander
    Profile
    You live in the frigid tundra of Nunavut, and your diet consists mostly of macaroni and cheese, wolves and Dr. Pepper.
    Characteristics
    (Combat and Non-combat)
    You can eat Dr. Pepper. You can eat poison. You can spit hot death. You have a fear of force bolts. You can walk on water. You can spit slime.
    Natural Enemies
    Your natural enemy is Nidotung.
This kind of thing makes me nervous.

Tuesday, January 2

As you can see, the new Millennium is here. It's for real this time, no matter how sad that makes you. While you were out celebrating last year, you weren't really celebrating anything but a normal new-year. You thought you had the Millennium in your grasp, only to loose it one year later.

I've put up a new poll on the left, now you can vote for your favorite Iron Chef (or Kaga). Vote now, punk.

Here's some news:

  • Ace "The Governor" Ventura is is writing a book for children. It will feature many colorful stories like "Billy the Bodyslamming Biker Clotheslines Unsuspecting Mary The Masochist"
  • The U.S. Celebrates The New Millennium
    America's official timekeeper, the U.S. Naval Observatory, arranged to mark the new millennium accurately with a celebration for 3,000 people at its Washington headquarters. Under the widely used Gregorian calendar, which started with the year 1, the third millennium begins on Jan. 1, 2001.

    On the streets of Philadelphia, about 500 people, most dressed in Rocky Balboa-style gray sweatsuits and blue knit caps, ran from City Hall to the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art to ring in 2001 and mark the 100th birthday of City Hall with the city's second "Rocky Run."

    Mike Peditto, 20, of Wallingford, Pa., was the first runner to reach the top of the museum steps, and had an appropriate reaction: "Yo Adrienne, I did it!" [I'm from Philly and I can tell you, you haven't lived until you do this!]

  • Were they trying to kill Sandra Bullock? A better question: Why weren't they trying to kill Sandra Bullock?
  • CBS decides to put Survivor up against NBC's Friends - so now I have another reason not to watch it (Survivor)
  • Las Vegas casinos are bringing Sex back to town
See ya later.
Rob here again. Sorry for leaving you "naked" on Friday, people. Why do networks at big corporations only seem to go down when all of the network people are on vacation?

Anyway, I've noticed that some of you are wondering who I am, and some are even doubting my existence. I'm real, gang -- here's my picture.

It's not a good one (I'm having a bad hair day), but at least you can see that I'm a real human being with real emotions.

And now the news you should've gotten on Friday:

  • IT workers still rule the job world, but don't look for crazy perks anymore -- it seems that companys want you to prove that you can do the job before they give you those five-figure bonuses and raises. The nerve of them.

  • Some firefighters in Indiana got a surprise when they ate their Christmas brownies...

  • There are over 280 million Americans according to the official 2000 census.

  • A couple recently got married outside... in Michigan... in a church made of ice. Folks, we're not all like this.

  • I debated and debated with myself on the appropriateness of whether to post this latest fasion trend, and then I thought, "What would Dan do?"

    Here it is.

Yup, here it is, the first post of the new Millennium ... and it feels ... no different.

I'm watching the Iron Chef Marathon on Food TV and you can join me in their chat room - follow the links.

I'll be leaving soon to enjoy a traditional Korean New Year Feast! Yes, my mother-in-law is preparing it as I type, and I'm already starving!!!

I hope you all had a safe and happy new year, I'll post some news later on, gotta run - lots to do!

So, happy new year!

I'm loving this weather. Really, this is the way I like it - in the 50's, slight breeze, blue skies!

Of course it will get hot again, and humid, and the crazy carnival folk will descend again upon the malls.

So I registered

Saturday, December 30

I'm back. The short vacation was relaxing, and I see that Rob did a good job on his first post - despite your unwarranted hostility.

Most of you who took the pole wanted more eloquence in these posts. Instead, what you'll get is more of my ranting and a closer look into the articles I post instead of a ton-o-links. Will that work for you, you ungrateful lot of whiners?

There's a gigantic blizzard hitting the north east.

They're talking all about the fact that people like food that hurts like chilli peppers or even the bubbles in fizzy drinks (but not beer).

A fake email was sent to a ton of eBay users telling them to divulge personal information, and many did.

If you care, the world is headed in a downward spiral. We're all going to need to watch out for super-bugs. Don't believe me? Look at how illnesses that were once slaves to humanity are now uncontrollable.

A few entertainment quickies:

Have a good weekend, and Happy New Year - Welcome to the new Millennium (FOR REAL)!!!

True, the wife and I are going on a mini-vacation for a few days ... but really, do you think I'd leave you all alone - naked - to brave the overwhelming, disorganized, unfiltered news of the world alone? No! Never! Well, maybe not never but ... not this time!

In my stead I have prepared a substitute: my faithful man-servant Rob.

It is my hope that he will not let you all down with the boring links, piss-poor editorials, and sub-par workmanship which he so often displayed while in my employ.

Just kidding, Rob is a great guy and an even better writer - and he's single girls!

Wish me safe travels and a good vacation, and here's a parting "mystery link" before I go.

Please be seated.

I hope that everyone had a nice holiday (if you celebrate Christmas or Hannukah) or a nice day off from work (if you don't) or just a decent Monday.

Allow me to emphasize my disgust with Florida for its awful climate. Thanks a lot Florida, you've ruined Christmas again.

Instead of the news today, I'll give you all a peek into the bowels of the Internet. My wife did a search at Google on "Dan Benjamin" and came back with tons of weird sites. These are the cream of the crop:

And, although we agreed on "no news" for today, I offer these images and their captions (by me) for your review:

This is what the American North East saw during the eclipse on Christmas day. Note how cool this looks. Note how rare this event is - and not just on Christmas day.

This is what we saw in Florida during the eclipse. Thanks for ruining the Christmas Eclipse, Florida.

Memories: This was me during my first Christmas in Florida. I remember a heat so intense that I could actually watch the skin peeling from my body in 9 inch strips. I remember how the natives scared me - gun toting and sunburned, obese and slow moving, drinking beer and motor-oil cocktails, wearing fuzzy slippers and t-shirts, dragging their unbathed children in a wheelbarrow through the mall. I remember the first time I saw an unpainted El Camino with KC lights. I remember Florida cuisine: culinary feats like "mystery pork parts" and sweet tea. Oh yes, I remember my first Christmas in Florida.

I'm still in treatment. Have a great one everybody!